Addicted to Enough

I’m a recovering addict.
I’ve been addicted to busy.
I’ve been addicted to approval.
I’ve been addicted to perfectionism and performance.
I’ve been addicted to wanting you to think that I’m enough.

Even if I’ve never met you.

I’ve traded away many meaningful moments in the quest for meaning.
I’ve considered myself too important and missed what is most important. I spent my whole life reaching for what I thought I wanted. What I thought you wanted.

Until life began to exceed my capacity.

Disappointment disoriented my sure footing, and my eyes began to blur with uncertainty. Disapproval tattered once carefully controlled nerves, and its shrill voice rang in my ears. Distance promised a fresh start, but my heart and mind determined to tangle past into present. Diagnosis ushered in pounding waves of chronic despair.

I broke under the weight of my own expectations.

I’m recovering. I’m learning that I’m not too busy to rest in confidence. I’m perceiving that I am loved fully, no matter what I accomplish. I’m discovering freedom in doing what is purposed for today. I’m resting in the peace that I don’t have to matter to live what matters. I’m learning how to stand on a foundation that is enough. My legs are learning to walk in a new certainty, and I’d love to invite you to walk with me.

Even if I’ve never met you.

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