The Choice is Mine

He knocks at my door. Piercing eyes meet mine.  With a quick grin he greets me and reminds me what I deserve, what I’ve worked so hard for.  He knows what I really meant and how I’ve been misunderstood.  He shows me what I’m entitled to, and reminds me that I don’t have it.  I…

Another Funeral

2 years ago, I would have had a list of things I thought I should tell you to do that matter. I don’t have that list anymore. I don’t think that’s how it works.

Lively Hope

Hope is a word I probably use 100 times a day. Lately, I’ve been asking myself what hope really is, and what that truth means to me? Especially in these recent uncertain times. You and I often use “HOPE” to express something we wish will happen, but in the pit of our stomach, we really…

What am I thinking?

If you leave me alone with the “What if?” question, I can literally set up the absolute worst case scenario for the entire rest of my life in about 5 minutes. As you may already know, over a year ago, I got a scary chronic diagnosis. (https://goletgo.org/2019/10/10/crushed/) People from every corner of my life came…

Celebrate Today

Not today. Too busy. Leave Mommy alone. Maybe tomorrow. Bills stacking. Laundry spilling. Messages waiting. People pleasing. Minutes ticking. But what if tomorrow brings? Unexpected news. Devastating loss. Startling diagnosis. Missed opportunity. Not today…again. Too many tomorrows. Grasping for yesterday. Stop. Celebrate today.  *** This post is a lot different than my usual story telling…

It is Well

Everything else blurred as the 5 of us stared at each other in the living room.   All I remember are the eyes.  My husband’s grieving eyes.  Agonizing over the reality of sharing the devastating news of my diagnosis with the ones he lives to protect.  Wide 3-year-old eyes searching mine.  Begging to see that…

She Already Won

“I audition Monday!” My middle daughter announced proudly as she and her backpack flounced into the front seat.  I cringed inwardly as she babbled excitedly about trying out for the elite honor choir that only selects a few highly skilled children from the grade school.  I was all at once aware that I needed to…

Before the Bloom

A vulnerable seed plunged into the cold, dark earth. Enduring the unseen process of crushing. Breaking. Always pushing.  Twisting roots in anticipation of the challenge ahead.   Reaching, grasping, straining in the dark. Daring to peek into the world with a dainty tendril. Squinting in the sun. Bracing for each gust.  Learning to bend and sway.  …

My Strong is Gone

“Be strong!” I always challenged my little girls when they’d fall and scrape a knee, come home with an overwhelming school assignment, or express concern about a stressful childhood relationship.  Strong is important to me.  Power up, pull through, smile, show up, get it done. Don’t accept anything less. I am strong. Life swelled into…

Addicted to Enough

I’m a recovering addict.I’ve been addicted to busy.I’ve been addicted to approval.I’ve been addicted to perfectionism and performance.I’ve been addicted to wanting you to think that I’m enough. Even if I’ve never met you. I’ve traded away many meaningful moments in the quest for meaning.I’ve considered myself too important and missed what is most important….