Celebrate Today

Not today. Too busy. Leave Mommy alone. Maybe tomorrow. Bills stacking. Laundry spilling. Messages waiting. People pleasing. Minutes ticking. But what if tomorrow brings? Unexpected news. Devastating loss. Startling diagnosis. Missed opportunity. Not today…again. Too many tomorrows. Grasping for yesterday. Stop. Celebrate today.  *** This post is a lot different than my usual story telling…

It is Well

Everything else blurred as the 5 of us stared at each other in the living room.   All I remember are the eyes.  My husband’s grieving eyes.  Agonizing over the reality of sharing the devastating news of my diagnosis with the ones he lives to protect.  Wide 3-year-old eyes searching mine.  Begging to see that…

She Already Won

“I audition Monday!” My middle daughter announced proudly as she and her backpack flounced into the front seat.  I cringed inwardly as she babbled excitedly about trying out for the elite honor choir that only selects a few highly skilled children from the grade school.  I was all at once aware that I needed to…

Before the Bloom

A vulnerable seed plunged into the cold, dark earth. Enduring the unseen process of crushing. Breaking. Always pushing.  Twisting roots in anticipation of the challenge ahead.   Reaching, grasping, straining in the dark. Daring to peek into the world with a dainty tendril. Squinting in the sun. Bracing for each gust.  Learning to bend and sway.  …

My Strong is Gone

“Be strong!” I always challenged my little girls when they’d fall and scrape a knee, come home with an overwhelming school assignment, or express concern about a stressful childhood relationship.  Strong is important to me.  Power up, pull through, smile, show up, get it done. Don’t accept anything less. I am strong. Life swelled into…

Addicted to Enough

I’m a recovering addict.I’ve been addicted to busy.I’ve been addicted to approval.I’ve been addicted to perfectionism and performance.I’ve been addicted to wanting you to think that I’m enough. Even if I’ve never met you. I’ve traded away many meaningful moments in the quest for meaning.I’ve considered myself too important and missed what is most important….

Hands

I used to run my finger across the back of her hand to feel her soft skin as she read  Little Golden Books to me. Who knows what was on those pages, but I can still smell the powder she used each morning. I can hear the steady ticking of the cuckoo clock in the…

Backspace

My thumbs glided across the letters as I responded, “I’m ok, how’s your day?” in reply to my new friend’s inquiry as to how I was doing. My predictive text knew I’d answer this way…the way I’ve answered a thousand times.  This time, the text blurred through my tears. My finger hovered over the “send”…

I don’t need you.

I slipped and fell one day.  It was a windy, icy day in Chicagoland.  I had a 4 year old by my side. On one arm, I held a diaper bag, and my brand new foster baby in a car seat carrier.  In my other hand was a heavy bag of books and leftover craft…

Crushed

My sparkling eyed middle daughter flounced off the couch, twirled through the family room, and took a flying dance-leap up the double stair into the living room.  The crash that ensued as her foot caught the top step sent a silence over the whole house as we all waited for her reaction. The reaction found…